Ok, finally got around to changing the introduction text. But as you can see, I'm too sianz to write a proper one, so am going to blabber on in hopes that you will get an idea of what sort of person I am by guessing. Yeah, the format of this blog is crap. I haven't got around to fixing it. Later lah.. Much later...
Sometimes I think life and growing older is going to jade me. Perhaps it's all for the best, as a form of protection, but then how grey life would look.
ME signed off at 10:32 PM
Monday, September 21, 2009
92nd entry
I believe in the institution of marriage.
That does not mean I believe in the governmental portrayal of marriage - which merely reduces marriage into nothing more than a paper institution. You get married to get a HDB flat. You get married to get the governmental benefits. You get married, basically for a piece of paper.
Neither does it mean I believe in the rituals of marriage. You get married because once you've been dating so long, marriage is the logical next step. You get married because it's the social norm. You get married because of expectations. You get married because it's the step before having a child, raising a family, and generally fulfilling your role in the cycle of life.
No. These should not be the reasons. These do not represent the institution of marriage.
I believe in the institution of marriage whereby two people genuinely in love, take a vow of commitment before God and before others. It is a show of love, it is a expression of commitment. It is about two people who see nothing but each other, who want the world to see it too.
It is a simple action of purity. To blemish and tear it down on the cynical view built up by the misrepresented and corrupted perception of marriage is sad indeed. I believe in the institution of marriage the same way I believe in love. It's not complicated at all when it's pure.
ME signed off at 2:35 AM
Monday, September 14, 2009
91st entry
I know I get highly irritable and defensive when I get pushed to talk about things that are bothering me.
I don't talk about my feelings because I don't like them.
It feels impossible to talk about them when things are still so suffocatingly present. I can't speak not because I don't want to but because everything is so heavy, so there, so restricting, so choking. I can't think to speak.
If I had the words I would say it. But I don't. So I can't say it. It's not easy talking about painful things when you're living it. When the pain stings like barbs in your brain just thinking about it, you don't want the extra pain of scratching them out through your throat to string out some unsatisfactory words that will not ease the heart.
ME signed off at 10:46 PM
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
90th entry
Somewhere along the line recently, I forgot who I was. I got caught up in reacting to situations, being who I thought it was appropriate for me to be at that moment - till I became so many people, so many me-s infront of so many people, until I forgot which were fake and which were real.
ME signed off at 4:02 AM
Friday, September 04, 2009
89th post
It's disappointment that breaks my heart.
Disappointment when the people you think you've known all your life turn out to be strangers. Who are they? Suddenly you don't understand them. Suddenly you are left with the ground gone beneath your feet. What was certain is now not and will never be - how much of what was taken for granted as day-to-day reality is true anymore?
Disappointment when others you thought understood you, don't and never did ever understand you. You thought you were on the same page. You shared. You felt better. Then you realize you might as well have been talking to a stuffed bear all along - for all they get it.
Disappointment when expectations exceed reality. That you start believing something may be true, you think it is true, you know it is true - then you are dealt the shock that it never was.
